Jungleland

‘Raw’ is in, ‘America’s favorite garbage heap’, New Jersey tonight. An appearance by ‘Daily Show’ host Jon Stewart and a night of great action is on the docket. But first, a dark match between New Jersey Governor Chris Christie and the entire menu at an Arby’s.  I’ve got money on Christie. And no, this wasn’t any type of political attack, just a joke at the expense of an easy (and fucking huge) target. I’m an obese American, so I’m allowed to make them.

Seth Rollins tells Stewart he shouldn’t bother showing up and is interrupted by Roman Reigns. They talk about who would have a better chance to beat Lesnar and then Reigns dares Rollins to put the Money in the Bank on the line at WM and make it a triple threat match. When Rollins balks, Reigns slugs him and after being attacked by J and J Security,  fends them off. WWE may be working this angle in case Lesnar no-shows WM. Reigns/Rollins would be a better match in my opinion.

After the break, Rollins expresses disappointment in his security team and Orton tries to convince him to ask for a match with Reigns later in the night

The saga of the kidnapped IC title continues. Ambrose comes to the ring with it for a match against BNB. During the course of the match, it is taken by R-Truth,  who then hands it over to the threatening Luke Harper, when he makes a ringside appearance. Ambrose wins the match and then looks around, confused by the title’s absence.  It’s getting a little tired, but it is setting up what should be a great ladder match for the title at WM. Nobody officially confirmed, but looks like BNB will be defending against Ambrose,  Harper,  R-Truth,  Ziggler,  and, last but not least, Daniel Bryan. Kind of a list of guys they couldn’t get any other storylines for, but may be the best match of the night. Ambrose is fucking nuts, Bryan is fearless, while I’m not a big Ziggler fan,  he goes balls-to-the-wall, Harper is underrated, R-Truth is solid,  and BNB will bring it. Someone see what Y2J is up to, and really kick that match up a notch.

The Miz is debuting the commercial he stole from Mizdow. Quite predictably, it is a boner pill called ‘Niagara’. It is the most embarrassing commercial debut since Murtaugh’s daughter’s condom commercial in ‘Lethal Weapon 2’. An angered Miz slaps Mizdow.  Solid mid-card feud developing here. Probably will be used for pre-show at WM.

Bray Wyatt appears and calls out The Taker again. There is a casket in the ring that he sets fire to. Could it be a flaming casket match at Mania?  Only if Pat Patterson is in there.

Mixed-tag match between The Usos/ Naomi and Cesaro Kidd and Natalya. They lose after Kidd tags in an injured Natalya and she is pinned by Naomi.Leads to some marital dischord after the match. Never shit where you eat Kidd.

Cena comes down and announces his intentions of entering The Andre the Giant…. since Rusev won’t give him a rematch. Stephanie McMahon comes down and says he doesn’t have the power to put himself in the match and maybe he needs to sit out this year’s WM. Thank you Steph! Now just get Ryback out of there. Cena defeats Curtis Axel and then Rusev and Lana come down to inform Cena they still aren’t giving him a match. Too bad nobody is dumb enough to not realize that will change.

‘The Game’ talks about his impending meeting with Sting and how he has control. He illustrates this by firing Booker T, although he reverses his announcement moments later. He should have fired Michael Cole…and not reversed it. #BRING BACK JR

Was gonna skip over the Divas but my girl AJ Lee returned to save Paige from the Bellas. Likely setting up tag match at WM.

Rollins hosts ‘The Daily Show with Seth Rollins’ in the best wrestling/talk show crossover since ‘Superfly’ Jimmy Snuka took over for Tom Snyder. Stewart shows up and makes a few jokes and points out how The Authority doesn’t really care about him. Rollins gets physical and Orton,  not Stephen Colbert, like i was hoping,  comes out and distracts Rollins so Stewart can make a low-blow and escspe. Not a new tactic to use a celebrity to advance a storyline heading into Mania,  just glad it wasn’t Donald fucking Trump again.

Bryan defeats Harper in a singles match.  JBL still playing up the fact Bryan isn’t heading to Mania. But he will be in the IC title ladder match. It is the worst kept secret since Ricky Martin’s homosexuality. More brawling for the title occurred after the match with Ziggler walking away with it this time.

Paul Heyman was out selling the main event,  promising Lesnar will be there. Nothing too special,  aside from a few good one-liners. It would be nice to have Lesnar by his side, but even if he wasn’t in the reported dispute with Vince, the man only shows up 4 weeks a year.

Teaser for ‘Raw’ in da ‘burgh next. Wiz Khalifa to be guest star. Why the fuck couldn’t they get Donnie Iris?

Rollins versus Reigns in the main event.  Orton helps Rollins get the win after saying backstsge he would be in his corner if needed him. Reigns then takes out Rollins, Big Show, Kane, and J and J Security. Gotta have these two have some major heat going, if things with Lesnar fall apart.  I don’t think they will, but there are some substantial egos at play

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2 thoughts on “Jungleland

  1. caseyboyd says:

    ladder match seems legit…you going down to raw?

    Like

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